The waiting game and goodbyes

So that was the auditions and cook off. As much as I had a lot of fun going through it, I kinda left the cook off feeling a little disappointed with myself. I just didn't know why. Maybe because I've never been judged before in terms of my cooking. Most of my friends and family loves it, so I take it as a good sign and improve it from time to time. But with the 3 judges, it was different.

Life continued, I went about looking for a new job while freelancing with a few agencies doing media work as well as going for castings. I just didn't know what was going to happen at that time, so to survive, gotta look for a job. I went about hunting, went through a lot of interviews all over Klang Valley. After every interview, I would come home with a bag of groceries and start making new dishes and practising on the old. I made all sorts of pasta that I pretty much became a pro at rolling the dough! At the same time, ventured into a lot of desserts. Unfortunately, everything I made, was pretty much digested down quickly that I couldn't take much pictures! 

Before you know it, it's the middle of June. Still busy looking for a job, going on interviews here and there. Then I received an email, regarding MasterChef. I was in the middle of a mall window shopping after a interview. My eyes popped out seeing the title, opened it and I screamed!!! Right smack in the middle of the mall! I got it! Top 40 baby! I just randomly hugged some lady passing by and she jumped with me and later asked me if I was OK, told her I got accepted to something major that I can't divulge, she was happy for me and congratulated me for it. As she walked off, she waved and wished me good luck! Time to call my love ones! I remember I had to go pick up a prize my mom won from a contest so off to the car I went.

As I got into the car, I received a unknown number call. Pick it up, and it was one of the companies I went for a interview recently and they told me they would like to offer me a job in the company. More good news! But wait, I just received the news from MasterChef! Heck, what do I do now? I figured that I'll decide it later when I have the time to sit down after I picked up my mom's prize. 

So reached the place to pick up the prize and before I even reach the office entrance, I got a call from my cousin. She asked me how to get to the nearest hospital, my uncle fell and fainted. I was panicking already, gave her the directions and told her I will be there right after I settle this prize thing. I called my mom up and told her where I was and where I was headed to and what happened with my uncle. I picked up the prize and called my cousin back and asked her did she find her way and all she could say was 'He's gone...' 

My mom's prize was in my hand, it was a set of dining ware. I dropped the whole box and my knees dropped to the floor. Tears just streamed out of my eyes. Told my cousin I'm coming over now and rushed off to her parent's place. 

My aunty was there and there lay my uncle. She was crying and alone. My cousin had to rush off to do the reports. Called my parents and they would come over soon. My cousin's husband came back first and she came back later. We cried in each other's arm. But she's a strong girl. Everything has to be settle. That day, I was the runner for her, getting everything done. 

It was a hectic day, all of us stayed strong throughout the day and my uncle was buried after Asar prayers. The tahlil was to happen after Maghrib. Family members and friends all gathered and gave their condolences. My cousin was so strong the whole time. My aunty held herself up as much. With the support of our families and friends, we pushed through the day. It was already 9pm when I realise I haven't had anything to eat the whole day. I sat down with a few of my friends and had my dinner and told them about MasterChef but yet to decide because I got a job offer as well.

They were happy for me but I told them today we celebrate my uncle. We talked about him while having dinner and what he has done for us. My uncle was a good man. A respectable policeman who served in the times where they were dedicated to their people's safety. I remember the last time I saw my uncle while I was at their place only a few days before. He cooked Ketam Masak Lemak. I didn't eat cause I was full at that time. As I was going off, wanted to salam him, he showed his hand all dirty and messy eating the crabs and gave me the biggest smile. I didn't know that was going to be the last time I ever see him. I regretted not having a taste of the dish. 

The night progresses and everyone went back home, I decided to stay over at my cousin's place and take care of them for a while as more friends who couldn't make it earlier came over. More stories of my uncle and we laughed and smiled. 

It was late, almost 3am, I decided to try and sleep. With everything that happened, I couldn't sleep at all and I started thinking what should I do now. Should I take the job or should I pursue MasterChef. For the next 2 or 3 hours, I listed down the pros and cons of both. I know I love cooking but what will happen after that? Should I make sure that I'm stable with a daily job, monthly salary and get stressed out till the point that my ezcema acts up again or should I take this MasterChef experience and see where I go? I don't even know how long I was going to be there.

I finally fell asleep but before I did go to dreamland, I decided that MasterChef will be it. I love cooking, why not take it to the next level? Plus life is uncertain so we learn from experience. This would be an experience of a lifetime. I had a dream, I was sitting on the couch that I was sleeping on, and my cousin and her husband were asking what's for lunch today? I said a whole list of dishes that I would be cooking today. At that time, I felt like I was about to wake up and everything around me was so vivid and real. My cousin said awesome and I heard a voice, right next to me 'Yeay, Leena masak!' I woke up instantly, it was my uncle's voice. For a second I was disoriented and heart was pulsing cause I seem to see a figure next to me, it waved and faded. My uncle waved goodbye to me.

I smiled with tears of joy (As I write this, my tears are streaming down my eyes) and said to myself, 'I'm going to do this for you Ayah Long.' And so begins my journey, Top 40 MasterChef Malaysia Season 1.

I dedicate this post to my late uncle, Ayah Long, you are truly amazing, you brought up your daughter and me (me and my cousin were inseparable when we were young) and here we are. I learn so much from you, I'm sorry for any mistakes I have done to you. Your daughter is a strong woman, I will take care of your family, my promise to you. Almost a year has passed and we truly miss you. Thank you so much for everything you have given me.

Your Niece,

Azlina Shah Shaharuddin